Mindful Thinking and Communication

Often communication breakdowns result from autopilot thinking and mental disorganisation, resulting in a lack of clarity about what we want to communication and how to organise our thoughts in a way that makes sense to others. So relationship therapy must address autopilot and mindless thinking in the context of relationships, and help people to first pay attention to their own thoughts and ideas needing to be communicated.

This process involves training clients to pause before communicating and take a moment to understand what they intend to convey and what outcomes they hope to achieve. It's worth noting that writing can be a valuable tool during this step. Suggest that clients begin by jotting down their thoughts, or to pause momentarily while taking note of their inner thoughts or intentions.

For instance, consider the case of M, a client diagnosed with a heart condition who had been experiencing anxiety. Through the practice of mindful thinking, M recognized that several critical questions were occupying his mind, such as:

— What physical activities can I engage in safely with my heart condition?

— How can I prevent a relapse?

— What are the chances of a full recovery and returning to my previous state of well-being?

And so forth. M's lack of answers to these questions had led him to make assumptions and anticipate the most negative outcomes.

M realised that because he hadn't paid attention to the questions on his mind, every time he had seen his doctor he had been distracted by other issues and hadn't asked the right questions. By paying attention to what was on his mind through mindful thinking, M became aware of what he needed to ask his doctor at his next appointment. Communicating these concerns and receiving the information he sought significantly reduced his anxiety. This example illustrates how the simple act of mindful thinking can help clients identify the right questions and receive appropriate answers.

Instruct clients to write down their thoughts or concerns, without too much concern surrounding the manner of delivery at this stage. This brainstorming stage is simply to increase their awareness of their own thoughts, emotions, questions or anything else that may need to be communicated.

The process of increasing insight and mindful awareness of client’s thoughts, emotions and motives may take longer for some clients than others. As a therapist you can gauge your client’s level of insight and assess how long therapy needs to focus on this step before moving on to later steps.